Does Kindness Really Matter
A short story of love, patience, faith and the far reaching impacts of simple acts of kindness.
Sitting here in the food court, I am reminded of years in the past sitting here with my little ones; Saturday mornings, when they were still fairly young, I would take them for our adventure to the "pickle store". Smiling to myself, that was the name my youngest gave to this store, because, well, obviously to the impressionable mind of a young child, this store had these huge glass containers of pickles that I loved!
The children are now grown, making their own trips for 64 rolls of toilet paper. Times change. Circumstances of life also change in ways we might not have ever anticipated. Trips to the store, excursions to the gym, popcorn time at the movies, are all now done alone. Such is the path that many of us walk.
"My, that mom has her hands full.", I thought to myself finishing up my standard Hebrew National. A young mother was lovingly holding a newborn baby while sharing a lunch date with her two little girls.
"She appears in deep thought somewhere far away from here.", I mentally noted and wondered and felt a bit embarrassed for intruding into her private world. I couldn't help but hear the oldest daughter ask for more lemonade. Mom's hands were obviously full with her little one.
"Excuse me but I couldn't help but hear your daughter. Can I help you with that? You certainly seem to have your hands full.", I observed. I offered to go get it for her in order to help out. There was an element of satisfaction in helping out but yet at the same time mom looked shocked that a stranger would offer such kindness. I just considered it more of a civilized act that anyone would do, who was paying attention.
"How much effect do these acts of kindness really have on people?", I pondered as I was leaving to drive home. "Will mom even remember this? Will she pass it forward?". In a sense it did not matter. Maybe I was just in an "alone" mood, kind of wishing I was with someone to be able to share these kinds of moments.
I don't know if I was daydreaming about that moment or was just unaware as I started the drive back. Traffic was unusually heavy this afternoon. But after all, Phoenix is still growing and expanding. "This is really starting to remind me of LA and DC traffic.", I chuckled to myself.
I never saw it coming, and don't remember it happening, as it turns out, for several reasons. I had to speed up to merge onto the 101. Then, every driver's worst nightmare happened; someone else merging into that same spot from two lanes over.
I can only guess that our vehicles careened off of each other ("Why don't I remember what happened?") I can see from afar ("How is that possible?") that my left front tire had exploded as my car then impaled itself on the now half-collapsed light standard just past the shoulder on the right hand side of the thruway. I can hear the sickening simultaneous sounds of the heavy impact and the metal on metal screeching as my car was being literally cut open. ("Huh? I don't understand. What am I watching right now? How can I be watching if I am in the car?")
As if in a movie fade-out, I was somewhere else now. I heard (no, felt?) a voice; recognizable, partially in how it sounded but also in how it made me feel. I felt contentment. I am not sure how else to explain this. The closest experience I can compare it to, are those feelings you have in certain dreams. During the dream, you know you feel a certain way. When awake, it is nearly impossible to begin to describe the feeling you had or even the cause of the feeling.
It was more than that though. This was something that resonated in my soul. I felt very much like I was coming home to a comfortable place; somewhere where immense joy and peace had been experienced a very long time ago but yet had had re-occurrences in my life. It then struck me. It was both a feeling and that voice. It was the feeling I experienced today (?) when I helped that mom with the soda. I don't understand. Everything from that point forward were words that I "felt"; words that were much more than words.
One has to try and understand that I knew I was not dreaming. In retrospect now, having gone through this experience, at least at the time, it might have been plausible that I was hallucinating, or experiencing the final "power down" of the last synapses firing in my brain, before death. What followed next however removed all doubt as to whether, what "I" was at this point, I was having a very real experience.
She told me that it would be OK. Yes, I was in my car and there was an accident and that I am no longer on the earth. ("Why didn't she say 'die'?") I recognized her voice. It was the mom from the store. I knew her name to be 'Mary'. How could I know that? She never told me. I asked her how is it that I could be talking to her. I was the one who was dead, or whatever. She would probably still be driving home with her daughters. She told me that time in the grand scheme of things doesn't work that way. I would learn and understand soon enough.
She seemed to step closer to me. She needed to convey something to me that was clearly very important to her and important to her for me to know. She told me that I should not ever question whether my kindness was appreciated. "How did she know about that?"
In fact, she conveyed to me, in a way that I wasn't able to understand, at that time, that that simple act of kindness changed her life and the lives of countless others. She explained to me that she reflected on that act of unsolicited kindness as she left the store. You see, she was planning on leaving town and leaving her husband when our paths crossed. She decided that if a stranger could offer to her kindness without any expectation of anything in return, she would do the same for the man with whom she was once so much in love.
As a result, she and her husband were able to reconcile. Mary and her husband had 2 more children. The youngest child eventually grew up and was responsible for helping to find a cure for a childhood disease that resulted in saving countless lives.
With barely a whisper that resounded through to the core of my being her voice wavered when she uttered, "Your kindness mattered."
And then, as it was becoming clear to me that my existence had fundamentally been altered, one by one, a steady stream of people, barely recognizable, a montage of memories, that I had the benefit of helping in some small way throughout my life (and some that I didn't even know I had helped) each told me their passionate and personal stories. Each described how an act of kindness had small and sometimes substantive impacts on each of their lives. With each encounter, I felt that I was the one who was being blessed with kindness.
Mary then told me that all of this occurring was only part of what I was to be shown. Something more "eternally meaningful" to me was at hand.
Mary knew the longings of my heart for love and companionship. She knew the loneliness that I had endured. She told me things no one ever could have known much less her. She understood how challenging it had been to stay positive, to have faith, even in the darkest of times.
It was in fact true that holding onto that faith had enabled me to be able to see the challenges in others' lives and reach out when others' needs were placed before me and allowed me to act. She told me then, that as each and every person that I was kind to, was put in my life to be the recipient of what they needed from me, they were also there to prompt me to be a better person. She then told me something that I knew from my mortal life; someone is always watching. But, in this case, someone here, wherever here is, had always been watching me.
Mary and her presence faded away as I was left wondering what she meant.
It was then that I felt what this whole experience was meant to be about. It was that feeling that I always longed for; that I imagined possible but not probable with the passing of each mortal year. It was that feeling of being able to wait for that one soul who would be the one to elicit those feelings of total giving.
I knew her name without consciously thinking about it, without ever having met her; Brenda. She approached me with hesitance, but our eyes never left each other. "I have watched every kind act you ever did for anyone. Every kindness you showed when you didn't have to; when you could have just thought about yourself. You see, just as you had to learn patience, so did I. I lived in another time. My patience had to be learned here. "He" promised me that if I were patient, ALL of my righteous desires would be fulfilled. I was given the opportunity to watch you help others, day after day. I watched as you were asked to perform a simple act of kindness to help Mary. I prayed with Him that you be the man that I knew you were capable of, and that you would be brought to me. And here you are."
"You see, 'He' loves each of us, in ways that you still don't understand, but soon will."
Every emotion, conscious thought, hope in my heart and soul recognized that this and more was what I was longing for. The loneliness was gone.
"I know what you are feeling. I truly do. I felt the same for you. It was as if somehow you were created with everything that I wanted and prayed for. I just had to find you. Well, the truth of the matter is that "He" allowed me to watch you, to even grow with you, to suffer as you did, to experience the loneliness that you did. I watched you as you stumbled, but more importantly I watched you. I knew. I know what you are capable of. I want you to know that I am yours for all eternity, if you can come to that same decision, but it has to be yours."
"Of all your qualities, it was the pure unselfish kindness that drew me to you. You see, or you will see, it is that kindness towards others that is His love. You see, He entrusted you to act for Him. EVERY time you acted on a prompting to be kind, didn't it feel like like someone was asking you to do something? You see, that is exactly what was happening. It was His belief in you that opened my eyes and my heart to believe in you. There were times, when you were on the brink of giving up, that He allowed me to touch your heart; to give you that hope, that reason to go on and fall back on your best qualities."
"It was truly then I knew you would make it, so I decided that I would wait as long as necessary, for just the chance to tell you all this. Although, these were not the circumstances that I had planned on."
"But now comes the hardest part of all. You have to go back. You have more to do that only you can do. I can't be with you yet, if you choose. I pleaded with Him to not do this, but you now see, it has been a gift for me to be able to let you know that I am waiting. You won't remember much of this, but you will remember enough to build on the faith that you already have. I will continue to watch you and look over you and wait for the time that your mortal life does come to its designed close."
I was engulfed in feelings of having touched the joy of the universe in "listening" to her, but I felt purpose now. I understood how He loves each of us so individually and wants each of us to experience His love.
My next memory was greeted with a blast of almost unbearable pain. I could hear again. (Is that right?) As my eyes focused, I could make out the face of a young EMT hovering over me. All I could make out from her utterances was "I don't believe it. This is not possible."
I could only gather up the strength to weakly utter "Thank you for your kindness." As she smiled down at me, there was something about her smile. Something familiar. My memory of something related to her was quickly fading. I had to somehow grasp it before it was gone forever. But I somehow remember meeting her recently. But how could that be? I remember her telling me something about having received an act of kindness and how something had changed her life forever. It was gone.
Jackie had moved to Phoenix almost two years ago from Boston where her elderly parents live. She hadn't spoken to her father since that time. She recently found out that he had cancer. She remembered the kindness of that man who miraculously came from near certain death. "He thanked me for my kindness?"
"Dad? This is Jackie. I wanted to know how you are doing. I have missed you. And I am sorry."
This all occurred a very short 20 years ago. I am an old man now. I never remarried. Somehow I didn't feel I had to anymore. Memories are beginning to come back, of someone waiting; of Brenda waiting.
Acts of kindness do matter.
