“Patience - the gift of being able to see past the emotion. ”
Rodney Williams (born 1959);
Indeed, patience is more than a "nice to have" characteristic. Yes patience is a virtue but not for what it is, but for what it has the capacity to develop and enhance; our character. The key question however is why? Why does the acquisition of patience develop character.
The key to understanding this is to realize that it is not the acquisition of patience that develops character as much as the development of patience develops character.
But again, why is patience such a critical element in our character development? The key to answering this question lies in the understanding that the development of character lies in our ability to replace inward selfish looking with focus on others around us and appreciation and attention to someone other than ourselves.
The exercise of patience however is not simply a passive resignation to circumstances beyond our control or grim-faced pouting when we have to grudgingly defer selfish gratification. The exercise of patience is not passive but active. It is an affirmation of the of sacrifice as an element of our character development.
Successful development of patience as a character trait develops confidence in man's mastery over his circumstances. Patience, when acquired becomes a literal power; a power to be exercised as we elevate conscious reasoning over uncontrolled emotion. It is truly an exercise of man's mastery over his nature.
The true power of the exercise of patience however is only seen when exercised in our closest relationships. Classical thoughts of the exercise of patience deal with controlling personal urges with respect to eating, spending decisions and for a child simply learning that she doesn't get dessert at the beginning of the meal.
As with all truly eternal principles however, the power and magnitude of this virtue is shown to be greatest when we are putting aside our personal needs for the benefit of others. In the world of our most personal relationships, whether single, married or in a committed relationship or the desire for such it is the exercise of patience that is the manifestation of true love.
In deep relationships, especially for men, we often have a tendency to move quickly, too quickly. We have what we think is knowledge of what is "right" and the direction that a relationship needs to move. As with any personal interaction, there are considerations of our partner. This is where the exercise of patient bears its sweetest fruits, both for us and our partner.
It is very easy to fall into the trap, again often with men, that we are able to "see" things more clearly than our partner. Oftentimes, the opposite is true, we are blind to her thoughts, feelings and desires. The practice of patience, to allow our partner to come to us, of their own volition and in their own time will most invariably result in a more bonded relationship for the long term, as opposed to inducing pressure, even be it ever so subtle.
The exercise of patience effects major changes within us and impacts that can be seen or developed in no other manner.
Patience allows for the free exercise of trust. When our partner sees that we TRULY are willing to sacrifice the fast path in a relationship for their needs and for the development of our trust in them, they are able to begin to explore us. They are able to begin the process of trust; unconditional, unguarded and unprotected trust. This by its very nature can not be accomplished on any preset time schedule.
We must also understand that we can not pretend to be exercising patience and engage in subtle manipulation. This results in an internal struggle within us, that our partner will immediately see and sense. We MUST WANT to exercise patience in a unconditional sense of giving. It is the sense that we care for this person, not only for us but FOR THEM. That if the relationship were to not develop for whatever reason, we could walk away from the relationship (but not the person) wanting their happiness for themselves.
I wrote another piece on this topic. http://auniquelysingleview.blogspot.com/2013/08/ljbf.html
How do we exercise patience though when it comes to a relationship?
We must remember that the exercise of patience is NEVER a passive activity. The key elements of the exercise of patience are humility, empathy and selfless sacrifice. When we are able to communicate with our partner that we are openly willing to put our own "selfish" needs and desires in the relationship on the back burner, this can not help but touch their heart. We are giving them permission to trust on their own schedule; without pressure or expectations. We are telling them that they can love at their own pace and to give of that love ... willingly and freely.
I testify that our own hearts will change. Our frustration will be replaced with Godly love and outwardly focused interest in our partner's feelings, heart, concerns and well-being and they will be touched as well.
Our selfless sacrifice of patience will CREATE miracles.
Another mighty change will happen as the result of the free exercise of patience. Our eyes and our hearts will be opened in a way we could not have expected. When we "force" ourselves to put our needs aside for a season, we will most assuredly see and feel exactly what our partner is feeling. Why is that?
The reason is because without the exercise of giving patience we are focused on our own well-being, what WE are not getting, what WE want, what WE can not live without.
The exercise of patience will not only allow us insight into the heart and mind of our partner, but in and of itself will begin to establish a bonding as we SEE and FEEL their heart and mind. When this happens OUR hearts will softened and our partner will see and feel that.
Miracles can happen.
And finally, patience, the exercise of patience will change us. It will change how we view others. It will dampen our tempers. It will lessen judgementalism in our lives. It will calm us and our demeanor. We will become more reflective and a less reactionary person.
Give her the freedom to know you, to trust you and then to come to you and present you with her heart.
I have added a talk on patience from one of our church leader, Dieter Uchtdorf. Take a few minutes to watch and listen. He has a wonderful perspective on patience that is presented in a manner that is much more effective than I have done here.
Please feel free to contact me with other topics that you would like to see addressed here in this blog.
